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Module 1 Resource Guide

Getting Real

Learning and Support Services

Lael: B: Other:

Books

Module 2 Audio Resource

Learning Self Compassion

Module 1 Audio Resource

Mum Rage

Module 1 Audio Resource

Expressing Feelings

Module 3 Resource Guide

Going Deeper

Diaphragmatic Breath Explanation

Core and Pelvic Bowl Connection

Books

Module 2 Resource Guide

Moving Forward

Resources

B:

Other:

Books

Module 4 Resource Guide​

Postpartum Awareness

Nutrition and Hormones

Sleep and Feeding

Module 3 Resource Guide​

Releasing Tension

Understanding my feelings

  • Lael Stone Courses
  • Guides for a listening partnership

    Listening Partnerships are where we listen in turn with another adult, swapping an agreed amount of listening time.

    Find someone, and ask them if they will listen to you for a while, and then you can listen to them for the same amount of time. Explain that it is:

    1. Different from a conversation.
      In a listening partnership, your job is to assist them to tell their story, not “make friends”or get information, or tell your own story or give helpful hints.
    2. Share the time: Take Equal Turns.
      Everyone needs a chance to tell their story. With good listening, every person who cares for children will find something they want to talk about. Listening well to others will also give us new perspectives on our own stories and experiences. Some people like to talk a lot and others don’t, but everyone has something important to say and can benefit from being listened to.

      It may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time we learn to use this listening time (just like children will learn to use the Listening Tools we offer them). If you can’t think of anything else to say, tell your life story! As we do this kind of listening more regularly, we start to notice more things we want to talk about

      Use a timer – this means that you don’t have to keep track of how much time you have, and you don’t have to work out when to interrupt someone’s turn when time is up.

    3. Just listen with respect, warmth and interest.
      Don’t interrupt. Don’t give advice. Know that it is enough that your listening will allow your partner to talk things through and to sort and learn from their own experience. When they listen to you, they will do the same for you.
    4. Keep it confidential.
      Strict confidentiality makes it safe for everyone to talk about anything they need to. Don’t refer to anything anyone said while in a Listening Partnership – not in conversation with them afterward, not in your own turn being listened to, or to anyone else. This makes it safe to eventually say things that feel embarrassing or could be criticized, or talk about things we are not sure about.

      *Shared from Hand in Hand Parenting

Mental health in the perinatal period

Understanding my baby's feelings

Module 2 Resource Guide​

Initiation to Motherhood

Self Care and Postnatal Care

Questions to ponder:

  1. What did you witness with the mother figure in your life around meeting her needs?
  2. Did she practice self-care?
  3. Did she encourage that in you?
  4. Did you have a story or imprint around self-care that it is lazy, selfish, and other people’s needs are more important?
  5. What is your current relationship to self-care?
  6. What would you want in this moment if you could have anything for yourself or around support?
  7. What is one thing you can do to step towards making this a reality?
  8. What is your story around Support? Do you feel you have support in your life?
  9. Did you feel supported as a child?
  10. Do you have a story that you have to do it on your own?
  11. Does it feel loaded to ask someone for help?

How to change an imprint

  1. The first step is being curious about the past. The family of origin that you grew up in. What are the stories and themes that play out in your family? (For example – if you are looking at your relationship to self-care. Let’s ask the question: what was I modeled around this? What did I watch the women in my life do? What did my mother or grandmother or aunties do? What did I observe as a young child around taking care of my own needs?)
  2. When you have understood the message you received (and perhaps how it still plays out now) you can ask yourself the question: Do I do the same? Am I repeating that pattern?
  3. If the answer is yes, that’s what I have believed to be true and that’s what I do… now you can start to work with that story.
  4. The next step to take is how I want to feel about this Imprint. So in the case of self-care, what do I want my relationship to be around this? (Perhaps it’s something like… I want to take care of myself so I can turn up in life with the best version of myself. I am willing to meet my needs and everyone else has their needs met as well.) It can be whatever feels good for you.
  5. Now lean into the blocks around having this happen. So often we can say that we want something, but then we sabotage ourselves with the stories we tell ourselves. This could look like… I really want this for myself, but my mother might judge me if she finds out. Or it could be… if I take care of myself, then might partner might want the same amount of time and then I have to do more? Or it could be… I can’t do this because no one in my family ever takes care of themselves, so if I do it… maybe it will look like I am not coping.
  6. Take one small action toward what you want. That may start with a bath each night and asking your partner, friend, or relative to be with your baby. It might be booking a massage or organising some care for your children while you sleep or go out. It doesn’t matter what it is – take one step towards nourishing yourself and then see what happens.
  7. Reflect… was everyone still ok – did you get any judgment, how do you feel in your body right now? The way we change Imprints is to start looking for evidence that it’s ok to have what we need. So often we look through a lens of the stories we learned as a child and keep seeing evidence that those stories are true. But sometimes we need to change the lens and shift the focus. Start focusing on what we do want, not what we don’t want.

Module 1 Resource Guide

Recovering from Birth

Birth trauma

Getting to know your postpartum body

You may like to journal or speak your responses to these questions to someone who can compassionately listen.

Q1. How connected do you feel your body?

You may have hesitance about connecting with your body, complete disconnection, connection to some areas and not to others or complete connection. Can you identify what the connection feels like, where it is and if it changes from different areas in the body. For example you may feel really connected to your limbs but not connected at all to any birth scar tissue or your womb.

Remembering, it’s ok to feel whatever you are feeling around your body. It’s also ok to have lots of feelings that co-exist.

Q2. How do you feel about your body?

If it feels right to, name the feelings and what they are about. For example I feel so proud of what my body has done and how it has enabled life and I feel disappointed that I have a perineal or abdominal scar. Or I’m really frustrated that I have haemorrhoids and I really like my pregnancy stripes or stretch marks as they are often known as.

Q3. What am I making my issues mean?

Most of us make what is happening in our postpartum bodies to mean:

  • I am broken
  • I am unattractive
  • I am unlovable
  • I am a failure
  • I won’t be a fun mum
  • My partner will run off with someone whose vulva is more intact
  • I won’t ever be able to do what I love again

Remember that you are way more than your vaginal wall, lower belly or skin. You are a bad arse wise woman who has given life to another human! Because of YOU the human race gets to continue. So thank you and your body for what it’s given us. You are amazing, just the way you are!

Q4. Can you be your own best friend here? What do you compassionately need to hear from yourself?

You might like to try placing your hand on your heart and saying or thinking:

  • I’m a bad arse that’s given life to another human
  • My body has changed in order to grow a babe
  • I will honour my postpartum body
  • I am capable of healing
  • I am an epic mama
  • My partner loves me
  • I am more than the marks on my body
  • I will not talk badly about my body, she has done epic things
  • My postpartum body deserves respect for all she has done
  • Or whatever comes to you.

You may want to try the compassion relaxation or book a birth debrief and then come back and see if your answers to the questions here change at all.

I just want to send you a lot of love here. Our connection to our body can bring up so many feelings. They’re allowed to be here and you’re worth what it takes to heal. Your body also needs and deserves your compassionate connection to it, this us to be our most powerful.

Postnatal body issues

Please remember if it doesn’t feel right then it isn’t.

Who else you can see for prolapse?

  • Pelvic floor practitioners like osteopaths and physiotherapists
  • Acupuncturists
  • Other bodyworkers that align with your values
  • Emotional health workers
  • Postpartum Doulas for support
  • Nutritionist
  • Midwife, OB or GP

Other Resources:

Healing postpartum and re-identifying with movement

Questions to ponder:

Q1. What have been your messages around postpartum healing?

Q2. What did you believe you should be able to do in the early months postpartum?

Q3. What do you feel your body needs right now

Q4. How willing are you to work on your body and mind and allow them what they need to heal.

Resources:

Diaphragmatic breath explanation

Core and pelvic bowl connection